I had thought the furor over the
TIME magazine cover would have died out by now.
I cringed when I saw it, but not for the same reasons as most of the American public.
I'm not a fan of labels, but if I were, I suppose I'd label myself as a feminist. I believe that women should be building each other up, offering support and encouragement, and being respectful of our individual choices.
Education is wonderful. We should all be open to learning new ideas.
Different opinions are welcome. We are not always going to all agree on one right way.
But the headline "Are You Mom Enough?" incited division and is not something any mother I know would say, Attachment Parenting or otherwise. Hence, the cringe.
This was a sensationally staged photo and article designed to use a woman to sell more magazines. Sports Illustrated has been using this tactic with great success for quite a while, so why not TIME?
"This isn’t how we breast-feed at home, it’s more of a cradling, nurturing situation,” said the Los Angeles mom. “I do understand why Time chose this picture because…it did create such a media craze to get the dialogue talking." - Jamie Grumet
The same message of extended nursing could have been achieved with a less controversial image and might have actually started the dialogue Grumet wanted.
Instead, I believe TIME purposely threw Grumet under the bus, and with her, all the rest of us Attachment Parents. (Again with the labels. I really dislike labels.)
Unfortunately, now there isn't a dialogue. There is simply judgment.
I've already discussed how
I still (yes, still) breastfeed my toddler. Right now, it's only for a few minutes when she falls asleep at night. It's not something I feel the need to defend, but then, I'm not one to lose sleep at night worrying over what people think of me or my parenting.
If I did, some of these comments might keep me up at night (although my three month old does a good enough job of that already):
I do hope that this mother is not using her child to draw a line between herself and her husband. Who knows it just might be her own sexual pleasure. - repeating *
Personally I think it's a sign of mental illness in the mother that can't let her child mature..... - DDkkme *
This child will have a difficult time assimilating into a normal childhood with other kids if his mother doesn't break his reliance on this overindulgence. I have to wonder if this is more for herself than for her child. - joy57111**
The child is supposed to breastfeed for one year and then it's the fathers turn to breastfeed until the next baby comes. - Dave B **
There were many comments far worse. I was left shaking my head at the unbelievable ignorance displayed.
The supportive comments were few and far between.
The "normal" human behavior is to breastfeed between 2 and 7 years of age. The problem with breastfeeding past three months in America is a sociocultural phenomena associated with the Western erotic image of the human breast, the primary purpose of which is to nourish our young. - gabby63 **
Katherine Dettwyler, PhD, wrote a book that examines the weaning ages of mammals. By studying mammals, especially non-human primates, Dettwyler determined what the real average age for human weaning would be without the impact of sociocultural factors.
How terribly interesting.
Humans are mammals. If you need this fact clarified, my two year old can tell you that all mammals have breasts, even the male ones, and all mammals nurse their young. (It's the biologist in me. You could also ask her about metamorphosis.)
Biologically speaking, human young are not prepared to be fully independent from us for years. Like other mammals, they may nurse long after they have started eating solid foods.
Society should never override basic biological parenting instincts. When we do, we are regressing, not progressing. Unfortunately, our country has this weird clash between our puritanical roots and sex-driven society that has completely perverted our viewpoint of what is natural and decent.
...after traveling the world I have realized Americans are just ignorant to the natural rhythm of life. In other "non western" countries, this is completely normal to nurse your children to toddler years. If you look at it from a biological stand point it makes sense, however we as a society are taught that this is "wrong" "gross" and "weird". Were [sic] even taught that breastfeeding in public is disgusting. It amazes me how we are a nation that in many respects can be so open and yet when it comes to things that are natural be completely closed minded. - Ashley Marie Dawn **
Women have been perfectly created to carry, birth, and provide sustenance to our young. We have been gifted with instincts that prompt us to respond to our baby's cries, to naturally dislike separation from them, and to nurture them until they are ready to leave us.
At its heart, that is the essence of Attachment Parenting.
Mothers doing what mothers do best.
Before the media, before parenting books (written primarily by men, might I point out), before our adult-centered society, we did follow our instincts. It was all we had.
I breastfed my son until he was 5 1/2 and have had a wonderful experience with attachment parenting. Your cover did nothing to teach people about the many benefits of extended breastfeeding and made attachment parenting sound like an extreme form of parenting, which it isn't. AP is about listening to you [sic] instincts and actually makes parenting much easier. - Dagmar Bleasdale** (who writes a wonderful blog I follow and wrote her own take on the cover)
Attachment Parenting is not some novel invention of modern times.
Most parents, like my husband and me, will tell you we didn't even know it had a name until long after we were doing it. I didn't even know about Dr Sears until my daughter was six months old. We simply did what felt right.
It's hardly "extreme parenting."
Had I listened to those around me, I might have believed some of the same misinformation that is fueling this fire. I might have believed this was wrong simply because of society, not based on any real facts, study, or educated reason.
That me might have been equally as horrified by the thought of a three year old still nursing as most others.
I'm glad I'm not that person. I'm grateful for how much I have learned and grown.
But I am a lot like Jamie Grumet. So are many of my friends.
And we're not any of those things people called us in the comments.
While I believe we are all "mom enough," regardless of how we feed our children or how long or if we breastfeed, I do sincerely question whether we are "human enough." Human enough to be able to engage in respectful discourse. To disagree without name-calling. To step outside of ourselves and our own beliefs long enough to sincerely question and seek out an opportunity to understand, educate, and expand our horizons. To acknowledge that even if it might be different than our original beliefs, that does not make it invalid or wrong.
That, I believe, is the true question. Are you human enough?
*Comments from Today.com article on interview with Jamie Grumet.
