I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
You've changed.
This is what my reflection says to me.
Crease lines surround my smile, and I can only pretend those few dots around my eyes are freckles rather than age spots.
My once slender figure is now more rounded, and not in an "all the right places" way.
I've long given up on maintaining highlights and pretend instead that I'm embracing my natural color. I'm going back to my roots, or so I try to convince myself.
My wardrobe is in desperate need of an update, top to bottom. Finding an outfit has become one of the more stressful events of the day.
You've changed.
I no longer feel the need to look perfect before I leave the house.
I realize that my ability to fit in a size two pair of jeans doesn't define my value as a woman.
I don't enjoy spending hours at the mall trying on clothes.
You've changed.
I no longer seek the approval of others.
I don't care if my appearance doesn't measure up to the covers of magazines.
I don't cringe when I look in the mirror.
I don't long to look like someone else, anyone else besides the reflection I see glaring back at me.
I don't obsess over what I have no power to change.
The image in the mirror has become my friend, not someone to improve upon, fix, or lament her many imperfections.
You've changed.
Somewhere along the way, when I wasn't even looking, the confidence and self-acceptance that eluded me during my teens and twenties crept up and ambushed me.
At a time when I can't fit into my jeans, don't have time for my hair or makeup, and find the aging process starting, I have, unbelievably, finally learned to embrace myself.
And find, if not beauty, then peace.
Yes.
I look in the mirror, and I find peace with what I see.
I accept you. Just as you are.
This is what I say to my reflection.
The woman in the mirror stares back at me.
I can see her waiting for the caveats. The list of imperfections. The rundown of the flaws.
Silence.
I smile and see it reflected back at me.
Along with the two little girls playing behind me who have given me the gift of love so full I finally have enough for myself.
Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteI think you're lovely! :) But yes, doesn't that confidence that comes over the years, and from a growing understanding of who we are in Christ, bring joy and peace? I liked your line, "Silence. I smiled and I see it reflected back at me." Your girls are watching you and seeing true beauty and its source too.
Thanks for stopping by my post from the Imperfect Prose link up. Thank you for stopping by and for praying with me for my friend Christina.
Have a great week!
Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com
Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteI can always tell in your writing that you are a confident woman. I wish I had more of that! Maybe you'll rub off on me. :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Self-confidence is so elusive for so many of us, and it can be such a long road to seeing peace in the mirror. A road I wish was easier for so many hurting women, so many struggling bodies who believe the lies in their head at what the glass reflects. Thank you for telling us about the ways you've changed and learned to accept the true beauty of a woman whose worth is measured only in love. Your girls are blessed to have a mother who models this for them.
ReplyDeleteMotherhood the final frontier! How it changes us. So wonderful that you embrace it and accept it's humble offerings. Sweet freedom of acceptance can be found when it is sought after in the quiet places...seems like you have found those gems, friend. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAlong with the two little girls playing behind me who have given me the gift of love so full I finally have enough for myself.
ReplyDeleteoh friend. i love how you said this. and i would LOVE to share this at my eating disorder site if possible (www.chasingsilhouettes.com). let me know if this is okay... you can email me at wierenga.emily@gmail.com. bless you. e.
So, so beautiful. And you know what the best part of this perspective is? -- your girls will grow up with the best vision of themselves possible. Because their mother chose to love herself just as she is, so will they. xoxo.
ReplyDeleteI cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this post. I could echo almost every statement here. (On the good days, at least, when I'm not letting discouragement get to me. :) You are beautiful inside and out!
ReplyDeleteI am sending you a whole bunch of confidence, my friend! I think it's the greatest gift we can give to our daughters- acceptance of ourselves and confidence in who we are.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Cara.
ReplyDeleteI always knew having children would change my life. But you are right- it changes us! I never realized how much impact my children would have on my own perspective of myself.
ReplyDeleteEmily, thank you. I sent you an email. I would be so honored to have you share my post.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much, Miranda.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful it touched you, Erica. I think we all have our bad days. Even in this newfound self-acceptance, I still have bad days. But the good days are far outweighing the bad, which was never the case before. I hope that is the case for you.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful! Just what I needed to hear! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI get it. I have changed so much these last couple years. It's taking time for me to realize who I aml now. This was a great positive message.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post! I have relaxed so much as I've aged as well. I wish every woman could find peace in who she is. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS.
Love this post! I went to the grocery store yesterday unshowered, wearing old clothes that hardly matched and ridiculous flip-flops that I bought as a joke. When I caught a glimpse of myself in my car window, I had much the same realization. Being a mom changes everything. (Stopping by from SITS!)
ReplyDelete{Melinda} Beautiful! And, I must say, I wish I looked as good as you without hair or makeup done! :) I am so much more accepting of myself at 42 than I was even 5 years ago.
ReplyDeleteI think at some point trying to keep up an image is just too exhausting ... and the people we're trying to impress often aren't the ones we should be trying to gain respect from. In fact, our efforts to please others usually detracts from being really present for those we love the most. If God says I'm enough, I'm enough.
I still do enjoy a good lipstick, though. :) Visiting from SITS
This is a beautiful post and thank you for sharing it! It's amazing all the things that we go through in our motherhood journey. It's definitely changed me - in some ways that I expected and in others that I didn't. I think that this acceptance that you're exhibiting here is providing a great example for your girls. Visiting from SITS!
ReplyDeleteOver from SITS to say hello! This is a beautiful, heartfelt post.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful changes. Beautiful heart. Children are a blessing in ways we never could imagine.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how the feeling of peace with yourself comes when you least expect it. When your body is "perfect" you find yourself looking for others to validate or negate how good you may feel. But when you find your body changed in a way you always thought you would hate, that is when you find yourself the most okay with it.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this. :)
You're very sweet. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not big on lipstick, but mascara is my friend.
You are so right- it's when you always thought you would be most unhappy with yourself.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I'm in a similar stage of life and trying to find the right balance of staying healthy and accepting that there are changes that going to go back to how they were. I really relate to this post.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! I'm so glad that you connected with it. I think it's a pretty universal feeling as a woman to struggle with accepting ourselves as we are.
ReplyDeleteGreat post again! Isn't it amazing how the tranformation happens so slowly? You realize that the very person you are is enough, maybe even good, maybe actually worthy, even treasured! Flaws and all. Weaknesses too. The art of aging is truly about grace and acceptance. It just happens. I love getting old! :)
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